PC Engine Games You Ought To Play

We grew to love the PC Engine last year, as on the select button dot net forum we collectively played every single game for it. Rudie (hi!) also played every RPG released for the system, this almost killed him. None of those made the games that follow (Linda Cubed for Playstation.) For a console that is 90% shooters we tried to pick the minimum possible. What follows is some excellent games, some horrible games, and some games we just think are really funny. All of them you Ought To Play!

Kung Fu

Look at those giant sprites.  Isn’t that just the future.  This was a launch game for the console and that shows.  It’s not a good game, but it’s great.  Big, Powerful, and celebrating Bruce Lee.

Air Zonk

The one good Bonk game, this time in the future with Zonk and a shooter.  It’s bright, colorful and the music absolutely sings.  There is a sequel for the CDRomRom and it is worse in every way.  Fantastic enemy patterns too.

GÖTZENDIENER

With the last of his strength the hero kills the dark lord and frees the princess.  Now the princess must work backwards from the top of the Dark Lord’s Castle to escape.  Almost devoid of combat, the game is about Another World in length to finish.  For any clumsiness it makes up in ideas.  The game keeps track of the position of everything the whole game and that really starts to tax the hardware halfway through.

Quiz Caravan Cult Q

You find me another quiz game with categories like Takarazuka, David Lynch, and Computer Games and I’ll consider talking about that one as well.

Effora and Jiliora

Effora and Jefforra is a cursed piece of entertainment.  It starts off well enough Co-op Ys Starring two anime girls rendered in all the pixel non-animation the PC Engine can handle.  Then you start playing.  Death comes at you far too fast.  It will kick you back to the title screen and make you watch the opening 10 minute cutscene again.

But the truly evil piece of this disc is that you attack with the same button you talk to NPC and you can hit that button one more time too many and kill the NPC you are talking too and suddenly find yourself cut off from anything the other characters in the area would say that isn’t “Murderer.”  

Vasteel

Check out this soundtrack y’all:

Police Connection

Speaking of Murderer, Police Connection is one of the most cursed pieces of software ever made.  It’s a 4 player board game slash linear Japanese adventure game.  

Thrill as each of the 4 players spend their first turn moving up to the chief and getting the same run down on the case and an allowance.  Marvel as the board game’s world turns to dark by turn 3 when the first player finally leaves the police station and rolls a one on the dice.  4 turns later they arrive at the murder victim’s apartment and each player must investigate in the same way, and then interrogate the witness, if they can get proper dice rolls to arrive at the witness.  Then each player spends another turn leaving the witness location.  Each player hears the exact same dialog from the witness.

It is a hilarious joke of a video game.  I refuse to believe anyone has ever finished a game.

Color Wars

Three Dimensional Four Player Othello.  The human mind wasn’t built for this.

Legendary Axe

For the same reason that Castlevania will never be as beloved as Super Mario Bros, Legendary Axe will remain in the shadow of Bonk.  And I’ll say it here Bonk isn’t fun to play.  I love the caveman.  Legendary Axe has a great to play caveman.

It is a deliberate game that demands you Not Press The Attack Button.  Unfair and bullshit challenges on repeat playthroughs reveal themself as just needing determination and patience.  You’ll never see the end that way, not without giving yourself unlimited lives, which is an excellent way to see this clever game that is only hard on you because it loves you.

Boken Danshaku Don: The Lost Sunheart

It’s a shame for whatever reason in ShmupJunkie’s Every PC Engine Shooter video this is absent.  It’s a strange strange HuCard shooter probably based on some manga no one remembers, as the PC Engine is ought to do.  It also has racism against the Chinese, another unusually common feature on the console. It features enemy patterns meant to scare and frighten the veteran shooter player.  The bosses are grotesque eyeball monstrosities.    The second level is this beautiful sunrise over Chinese mountains before fighting an enlightened monk.

Gradius 2 Gofer no Yabou

This game permanently ruined a generation of Japanese Game Players.  They believed with enough practice and effort and study they could survive past the beautiful glowing suns and fire dragons of stage 1 and see the world beyond.  A glass cube gauntlet later in the game would ruin that notion.  They’d program their own Gradius 2 recreations to study and hope for survival.  It wouldn’t.

Detana Twinbee

Unlike Gofer you reading this right now could play Detana Twinbee right now.  It has crisp blue skies and castles in the sky.  It has little celebratory non-animations after each level clear, as befitting the PC Engine.  It also has The Bell System.  Shoot bells until they are the right color then stop shooting them to pick up a power up. Despite No One Liking The Bell System, I don’t hate it here.

Mesopotamia

It’s by Atlus. It’s a game where you’re a slinky crawling around walls shooting bugs at awkward angles and defeating the Zodiac. It is one of the strangest games I’ve ever played.

Out Live

A space dungeon crawler.  There are alien freaks in your station and you gotta blast them out then clumsily navigate back to the computer room.  

Space Fantasy Zone

Cancelled 90% into development and thankfully released for the whole world this is Space Harrier with Fantasy Zone‘s Opa Opa.

Urusei Yatsura Stay With You

There are many animes adapted to Adventure game on the PC Engine.  This one I had the most fun with, though it was also my introduction to Rumiko Takahashi’s ouevre.  Requires Japanese to get anything out of it, obviously.  

Deep Blue

Deep Blue is a kusoge of kusoge.  It feels like someone is joking on you.  It is the perfect level of truly incredibly bad that it is hilarious to play.

Tenshi no Uta

LOOK AT THIS TITLE SCEEEN

Basted!!

I love Basted!! Two head strong horny female warriors on a self-motivated quest to save the world.  They are funny.  The combat system is just trash enough for you to get by.  I somehow missed the nudity scenes in my playthrough, allowing me to just enjoy a great Anime Adventure.

Legion and Energy

These are Kusoge.  They are both horrible and not worth individual entries, but are worth talking about. Legion has an excellent title screen song and is a boring shooter with incessant English narration.  Energy is a kusoge platformer of the highest level.  Horrible jumping, death at every turn, unskippable cutscenes.  Both are to be enjoyed with fitful giggling.

Valis Series

You’re reading this list.  It is time to dive into the slightly anime-risque world of Valis.  All four games in the series are on the PC Engine and you too can ploy through these C-rate platformers in a week and then do it once every five years because it is impossible to seperate them in your mind.

Super Star Soldier

While I find the level-based main game a little too finicky, the Caravan Mode in 2 and 5 minute modes is the best I’ve played.  I lost about two weeks last year competing with friends for a high score, and I have to say I WON.  Its PC Engine Sequels and the Summer Carnival games also have Caravan modes but nothing compares to SSS. 

Ninja Spirits

This is the best game for the system.  Just staring at it for 30 seconds makes you go “Ninja Spirits is cool.”  Actually playing it makes you say it out loud.   It’s a showcase for the system with gigantic bosses.

Military Madness/Nectaris

It’s a an early strategy game where you have limited units and the enemy has limited units. The enemy takes his turns exceptionally fast letting you consider your moves all the quicker. It’s a delight to sit down with.

Check out our previous lists for The Dreamcast, Sega Saturn, and Playstation 3. If you are coming from midway through Rudie’s 2024 Fukubukuro you can return here.